“Are you sure this is the woman you saw in the post office?” – Joe Friday
“Absolutely. Who could forget such a monstrous visage? She has the sloping brow and cranial bumpage of the career criminal.” – C.M. Burns
“Uh, sir, phrenology was dismissed as quackery a hundred-sixty years ago.” – Mr. Smithers
“Of course you’d say that, you have the brainpan of stage coach tilter.” – C.M. Burns
Happy birthday Richard Appel!
“Simpson, stop frolicking and get to work!” – Mr. Smithers
“Right away, Mr. Smithers, I’ll just walk across these slippery rocks . . .” – Homer Simpson
Near the end of “The Man in the Blue Flannel Pants” a man on a jet ski appears from the sky just before a raft with several able bodied men plunges over a waterfall because another able bodied man wouldn’t push them slightly to shore. At that point, Zombie Simpsons could safely assume that its audience was completely numb to plot whiplash. I certainly thought I was. Then Homer, who less than a minute before had possessed the power to swim away from the falls while pushing a raft, fell back into the river and went over the falls by himself. My whiplash came back.
That was the end of the A-plot. There was also briefly a B-plot, but Zombie Simpsons dropped it completely after only its third scene. Maybe that was for the best, because it was bizarre enough already with Bart and the bullies (who are apparently bullies again) suddenly finding their love of Little Women, especially since the whole thing was a repeat of a much better joke from “Homer Loves Flanders”.
On the plus side, John Slattery was there, and since he’s not quite famous enough to play himself they had him play a role virtually identical to the one he plays on Mad Men. I thought he had a couple of decent lines, though there was an awful lot of crap around them (Lenny and Carl at the diner was a particular lowlight). Of course, he’s a lot funnier on Mad Men than he was on Zombie Simpsons, but that’s hardly his fault.
Anyway, the numbers are in and they are sinking to depths Madison Avenue wouldn’t even consider. Just 5.61 million people reached for bourbon last night, that’s the lowest ever for the fall half of the season, the fifth lowest in the history of the show, and so bad that it’s brought the Season 23 average down to just 6.98 million. Season 22’s average, the lowest in history, was 7.10. If they stopped showing new episodes right now, Season 23 would already be the least watched ever, and the lowest rated part of the schedule is still to come. I hope they have a good accounts man.
Give Lady Gaga credit, she’s so popular right now that a little thing like Zombie Simpsons releasing a picture and short clip of her doing a guest voice for an episode that doesn’t even air for a week and a half caused a minor internet conniption. I’ve been expecting the Gaga explosion since last year when her guest spot was first announced, but even I didn’t think it’d start the week before the episode. It’s impressive, though next week when the full grown hysteria hits I’ll be lucky to find five links that aren’t about her.
Anyway, none of those Gaga links are below because they’re all just the same thing, and I feel no need to jump ahead and start letting next week’s Zombie Simpsons bother me before I get through with this week’s. Speaking of which, among the links we do have is a sad preview of Sunday’s episode from our old friend Lenny. On top of that, there’s a couple of people who agree with us, a kick ass Chicago punk band, a couple of Mother’s Day lists, some fan made stuff (including a cool Diablo 3 picture), a child star of the 1990s, two lists that brush against Zombie Simpsons without venturing too deep, and the people of New Zealand indirectly rebuking Zombie Simpsons.
Enjoy.
Rising Stars of Geek Rock III: Hired Goons – Smooth Charlie’s Link of the Week is this post about a Chicago band called Hired Goons. There’s YouTube of one of their songs, “Stupid Sexy Flanders”, cover art from their album “Bigger Than Jebus” and lots of background about how they combine The Simpsons and The Ramones. Their other album is called “Everything’s Coming Up Milhouse”. Sweet.
The Simpsons Breaking Bad Mashup Makes Me Miss The Simpsons – A long, praise filled rant for our favorite show, and it agrees with us:
I don’t tape The Simpsons anymore, or rather I DVR it and immediately delete it. I stopped buying the DVDs and I sold the toys. I will watch it limp along to a landmark 25 seasons and then I kind of hope it stops.
The Simpsons at 500: your favourites – The 500th episode was finally broadcast in New Zealand, which prompted a website to ask people for their favorite moments and episodes. I didn’t read all the comments, but, as you’d expect, the overwhelming majority of favorites are from the before time, the long long ago.
Simply Cakes Melbourne: Homer Simpson and Marge Simpson Cupcakes set – Awesome professionally made cupcakes for a couple’s 10th wedding anniversary.
An Open Letter to Adele – If you are old enough to remember the 1990s, then you probably remember Mara Wilson, even if the name isn’t familiar. She was the cute little girl in Mrs. Doubtfire, Matilda, and that remake of Miracle on 34th Street. Well, she’s got a blog now, and she quoted an episode that first aired when she was about three years old, so good on her:
You have managed to capture the feeling of utter hopelessness perfectly. It has been said, by the late Bleeding Gums Murphy, that “Jazz isn’t about making yourself feel better; it’s about making other people feel worse – and making a few bucks while you’re at it!
She fumbles the first part of the quote, it’s actually “The blues isn’t about feeling better”, but she’s got the rest dead on, and anyone who had to deal with Robin Williams at the tender age of six deserves some slack, so it’s still excellent usage. (Thanks to reader Chase for sending this one in.)
Top 25 Episodes of The Simpsons: Part 1 – #26-20 . . .
Top 25 Episodes of The Simpsons (Parts 2,3 & 4) . . . and #19-1. This list has more Season 11/12/13/14 than I’d like, but it doesn’t have anything past that.
HOMER – Fan made, computer drawn Homer. This is basically accurate:
Homer looks high. And for whatever reason, one eye is swollen. Not sure what happened here.
Heh.
Smart Education: How Lynda.com Hit $70M In Revenue Without A Penny From Investors – Excellent usage:
As Ned Flanders would say, education in the U.S. is in “a dilly of a pickle.” At the risk of sounding like a broken record, the cost of education has become unsustainable.
Not only is this perfectly quoted, but it’s also from when Ned was trying to mediate the fight over school funding in “The PTA Disbands”. Well done.
5 Awesome and 5 Terrible Moms of Nerd-Dom – Marge makes the “Awesome” list at #1, and Mom from Futurama is on the “Terrible” one.
Woolly Mammoth hosts Simpsons-themed trivia – The post-apocalyptic Simpsons play that’s opening in D.C. soon is holding a series of Simpsons trivia nights in local bars as a promotional gimmick:
The specially-themed games will take place from May 21-31 at various destinations, which means you’ll have the opportunity to show off your smarts whether you live in Silver Spring (Fire Station 1) or along H Street (Star and Shamrock), in Fairfax (P. J. Skidoos) or Georgetown (Old Glory). And while a bar tab is nice, these quiz nights promise an extra special prize — tickets to the show.
A list of dates and participating bars can be found here. There are a lot of them, so if you’re anywhere in or around Washington, it looks like you’ll be covered.
The Avengers…In 10 Words – Heh, well done.
"Stopping" For Art – A little Bart themed alteration to an Atlanta area stop sign.
Homer’s Escape – Animated .gif of Homer fleeing the candy conventioneers.
Accidental Brilliance – Using “The Crepes of Wrath” to help ESL students learn to write English as well as they speak it. Bravo.
Sermon: “Ralph Wiggum Apocalypse!” – The first draft of some preacher’s sermon is about the “Ralph Wiggum Apocalypse”. Click through for a picture of the excellent sign.
It Was the Best of Times, It Was the… BLURST of Times? You Stupid Monkey! – YouTube.
Appointment Viewing: May 7-May 13. – Lenny reminds us that Sunday will be here sooner than we think:
8:00 – The Simpsons (Fox): When word gets out that Edna and Ned have secretly wed, Marge offers to throw them a party. But bringing folks together makes them all realize that no marriage is perfect. Meanwhile, Edna tries to help Ned’s children become more socially acceptable by changing some of the rules. Screw the advisory board, Edna, I said no sugar!
Oh goody, an episode with lots of pointless, fake character development.
The Ten Best Simpsons Sports Episodes – This list is mostly non-Zombie Simpsons, though there’s a few episodes from the twilight of the show.
Simpsons Sums Up: 90210 – Nits must be picked, Lisa actually says “never be anything more”, but other than that it’s dead on.
Pikachomer – A picture of what looks like socks with a very odd pop culture mashup.
Day 08: 10 Things We Don’t Know About You – I’m just going to assume he’s not referring to Zombie Simpsons here, because that way I can completely agree with him:
Out of anything in the world, The Simpsons is the only thing that I can enjoy from A-Z/1-100/all the way through. There’s something so pleasant and wonderful about The Simpsons and it’s not just the simplicity that it’s a television show that rarely repeats itself. It’s the fact that the writing is so great. Each time you watch it, you tend to see something new that you hadn’t seen before, you’ll understand a new joke or you’ll laugh at something you’ve never laughed at before.
Matt Groening Original Marge Simpson Cartoon Drawing – This is an auction for a sketch Groening did of Marge. I like the marketing chutzpah of this description:
A minimalist original drawing of the head and shoulders of Marge Simpson.
It’s not a quick sketch, it’s a “minimalist original drawing”. The “current bid” is £150.00. Good luck with that.
SideShow Bob – TrueArtist Photo (30672728) – A fan made minimalist original drawing of a maniacal looking Sideshow Bob.
10 Great TV Moms – These sorts of lists are pretty common around Mother’s Day, but this one stands out for including not only Marge, but Morticia Addams as well.
Damned Yankees – The New York Yankees have been somewhat bitten by the injury bug this year, prompting excellent usage:
Somehow, Mr. Burns’s speech in “Homer At The Bat” keeps resonating this week:
“Three misfortunes, that’s possible. Seven misfortunes, there’s an outside chance. But nine misfortunes? I’d like to see that!”
Everybody hates the euro. Sorta. – More excellent usage:
"He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had."
The euro’s "strength" is all relative. It may just be the cream of a sorry crop of currencies.
The Simpsons As Diablo 3 Characters – Fan made drawing of the family as classes from Diablo 3. Homer’s tattoos are pretty good.
My 2012 Season Finale Predictions, 100% Accurate on Some Alternate Earth – And finally, someone who agrees with us from the future:
The Simpsons: Absolutely nothing of consequence occurs, except maybe another great couch gag by outside artists. My vote is for Studio Ghibli.
Heh.
“Yes, I’d like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aero-mail. Am I too late for the 4:30 auto-gyro?” – C.M. Burns
“Um, I better look in the manual.” – Post Office Teenager
“Take out wrenched ankle . . . Mom! Mom! Moooom!” – Homer Simpson
This week there are two examples of stunningly terrible merchandise, a Simpsons themed Operation game, and some USB flash drives that are so hideous that they might actually be knockoffs (official merchandise is often so terrible that it can be hard to tell the difference). In addition to that, there’s a lot of usage, only a one Olympics link, a revival of the “Black Bart” t-shirt, and a couple of people who agree with us.
Enjoy.
[Programming Note the First: Due to schedule conflicts, there will be no Crazy Noises next week. However, since we’ve arrived at the heart of darkness of Season 11, I am planning to do Compare & Contrast posts on both the death of Maude Flanders and the jockey elves.]
[Programming Note the Second: After last week’s little setback, Box Score Cinema will return to the new site this afternoon at 4pm with Total Recall 2: Recall Harder.]
100 Simpsons Quotes, In Order Of Importance – This was making the rounds on Twitter earlier this week, and is indeed very impressive. Many of the quotes are off, but that’s okay. There are a lot of them, and there’s nary a Zombie Simpsons cut to offend the eye.
MCB REMAKES: Simpsons – Bart vs. The Space Mutants Remake (NES) – Reader DDCecil sent this one in, and as the link is in Spanish, I’ll let him explain:
An online friend of mine, Macbee from Brazil, has been taking old Nintendo title screens based on licenses, and updating them to look like their real life counterparts. Here’s one for The Simpsons: Bart vs the Space Mutants
It’s dead on. I love the internet.
Intro to TV Culture – This segues into YouTube from the box factory:
I can watch The Simpsons with my seven-year-old nephew and my dear old, highbrow dad. I really can’t praise The Simpsons highly enough, and I’ll cut myself off here before I start an essay on the cleverness of the writers, and the boundary pushing, and even the artwork, and the….
It is good beyond words, nothing more need be said.
Mishka ‘Gold Digger Black Bart Simpson’ Tee Shirt ft Kanye West – The return of Black Bart on a t-shirt almost had to involve Kanye West, didn’t it?
Tea with Chris: ‘Is Your Hate Pure?’ – I know that I’m hardly unbiased, and that I sound like a broken record when I say it, but The Simpsons really doesn’t get enough credit for being way ahead of the curve on gay acceptance:
Being a member of the cohort that learned about queerness from John Waters’ Simpsons cameo, this was the second thing: “Friends? Ha! These are my only friends: Grown-up nerds like Gore Vidal. And even he’s kissed more boys than I ever will.”
TV Seasons by Quality – Celebrity Pictures, Lol Celebs and Funny Actor and Actress Photos – This got linked in a few places this week. Without commenting on their evaluations of other shows, the high plateau for The Simpsons doesn’t last nearly long enough, and Zombie Simpsons is severely overrated.
Simpsons1: Maggie Simpson Cubee by ~TheFlyingDachshund on deviantART – Pretty much what it says. Print it, cut it, fold it, and you’re done.
Buy Operation Simpsons – Major Krusty Brand Seal of Approval on this one. It’s $50(!), for a shitty game where you get electrical shocks, but the cover image is actually kinda funny.
vw online shop – Awful looking cartoon character USB thumb drives, including a cross eyed Maggie, a Krusty who looks like he’s got Stage 3 cancer, and a way off color Marge.
Simpsons – Australia & Beer – A screen grab collection of Marge’s attempt to order coffee in Australia.
Ryan Lochte…In 10 Words – Our national supply of mutant swimmers is apparently inexhaustible.
Dressage…In 10 Words – He’s certainly tamed that horse, but what man could tame him?
A 10 Word Tribute to Gore Vidal – Thanks go to our old friend John Hugar for pointing this out on Twitter, but even though Vidal did a guest voice on Zombie Simpsons, the quick mention of him in “Summer of 4 Ft 2” (and “Krusty Gets Busted”) was invoked many, many, many more times this week. Guest voice on Zombie Simpsons? Nobody cares. Mentioned on The Simpsons? People will remember after you’re dead.
Mark Finds the Final Witness’ Donnah Winger Murder Funny? – Yeah, it’s funny:
The story unfolds gradually along with the audience being informed of Mark’s background, including his job and the location in which he lived.
My Mark says, “You’ve got to be kidding me. He’s a Safety Inspector at the nuclear plant living in Springfield? If his name was Homer it would be perfect.”
Getting Educated – A rather heartwarming tale of a kid impressing the hell out of his classmates with dead on Simpsons knowledge.
Saturday AM – Homer abed in “Homer the Heretic”. We’ve all been there, but sooner or later everyone’s bladder betrays them.
Living Off the Game Grid – Cool:
The pre-show for “TRON” (Steven Lisberger, 1982) is no exception. Two video clips caught my eye in particular: “Homer3,” from The Simpsons’ “Treehouse of Horror VI” (1995), and “Scooter Computer and Mr. Chips” from “Schoolhouse Rock!” (1982-1984). On the run from Patty and Selma Bouvier (Julie Kavner), Homer flees into a mysterious land through a portal behind a bookcase where he is transformed into a 3D computer-generated character. Homer describes the world he has entered as looking like something from “TRON,” to which the majority of Springfield’s citizens, gathered in the Simpson living room, admit to never having seen. Chief Wiggum (Hank Azaria), who at first confesses that he has watched “TRON,” sheepishly recants.
Edna Krabappel vs Marge Simpson by ~jobberman214 on deviantART – I bet when you got up this morning you didn’t think you’d see a cartoon of Marge and Edna drawn as professional wrestlers, did you?
Dealing with the Devil: Professor Explores Contracts with The Prince of Darkness in Popular Culture – Excellent reference:
Homer eats all but the final bite, realizing that finishing it would seal the pact. Later that night, however, he inadvertently eats the last piece as a midnight snack. When devil reappears to claim his due, Homer’s wife, Marge, eventually stops Satan by pointing out that Homer pledged his soul to her years ago on their wedding day, thereby rendering the contract with the devil invalid.
"Marge says ‘I own Homer’s soul. He can’t give it away.’ And so the devil concedes," said University of Virginia law professor John Setear. "The devil is [Homer’s evangelical neighbor] Ned Flanders, by the way."
Homer Simpson was right! – Excellent usage:
“Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974, it’s a scientific fact.”
– Homer SimpsonEveryone of a certain age is going to be nostalgic for the music of their youth. But even so, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that mainstream pop and rock has devolved significantly in the past 20-30 years.
Should We Embrace Our Vegetarian Past? – More excellent usage:
In a classic episode of The Simpsons titled “Lisa the Vegetarian,” Lisa Simpson has an argument with her father, Homer, over why he insists on serving meat at a party. Homer, rarely known for his intelligent retorts, responds in the following fashion, and coins a catchphrase in the process:
Lisa: Dad! Can’t you have some other type of party, one where you don’t serve meat?
Homer: “All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say ‘Yo Goober! Where’s the meat!?’. I’m trying to impress people here Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad.”
Mmmm Donuts – It’s a Pokemon joke and it’s dumb, but still.
Wi-Fi local to where I am. Cool idea, or the first step in a federal agent getting fired? – My next WiFi network will be named “Flowers By Irene”.
The Simpsons Arcade Game – A video game review that agrees with us:
Out of the character/show/cartoon/comic book themed beat ‘em up games The Simpsons is definitely one of my faves, even though I no longer watch the show anymore.
Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (& The Longest Daycare) – I wholly agree with this:
Since it precedes a kids’ movie, The Longest Daycare is more family friendly than your average episode of The Simpsons (thought the Ayn Rand jokes are sure to soar over the heads of the wee ones). It is pretty funny though and strengthens my arguments for more cartoons before movies.
Hear that, studios? More cartoons before movies, please.
Cry me a river!: Tim’s top five tear jerkers – Among some other pop culture greats is “And Maggie Makes Three”.
We saw a grackle! – Someone actually did:
Not that grackles are at all uncommon, but every time I see one, I laugh and think of The Simpsons.
Good Show! (Or, What’s Wrong With The Simpsons) – And finally, I get to end the way I prefer, with someone that agrees with us:
Perhaps it’s best encapsulated in this quote by Lisa Simpson back in Season 2:
I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I’m no theologian. I don’t know who or what God is exactly. All I know is he’s a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe him big.
Would you ever hear that from Lisa in one of the later seasons? You would not. Why? Because Lisa has moved from being a brilliantly smart little girl to a pointy-haired midget channeling the whiny liberal indignation of Bill Maher.
Is there anything wrong with Lisa as she is today? Not really, no. If that’s who her character is, then that’s who her character is- only the hitch here is that’s not who Lisa started off as.
Perfectly quoted, and dead on.
“Well that nice lady set the cause of biological warfare back thirty years!” – C.M. Burns
“We’re only now finally caught up.” – Mr. Smithers
Happy birthday Harry Shearer!
“Abe, isn’t Homer cute?” – Mona Simpson
“Probably. I’m trying to watch the Super Bowl! If people don’t support this thing it might not make it.” – Abe Simpson
“Mom, there’s nothing to be alarmed about . . . but could you take one last look at the family and join me in the kitchen?” – Homer Simpson
Happy birthday Richard Appel!
“I can’t believe you’re here. Dad always told me you died while I was at the movies.” – Homer Simpson
“I can’t believe I’m spending my Saturday picking up garbage. I mean, half these bottles ain’t even mine!” – Lenny
“Yeah, I might’ve seen her. It’s hard to tell from this old picture, you know?” – Cabbie
“Well, according to our computer aging program, she should look about twenty-five years older.” - Bill Gannon
“Yeah, I seen her! Uh, that is to say, I saw her.” – Cabbie
“Hey, since you were a no show at all the big moments of my life, you owe me years of back presents: Christmases, birthdays, Easters, Kwanzaas, good report cards. Hmm, seventy-five bucks a pop, plus interest and penalties . . . you owe me, twenty-two thousand dollars.” – Bart Simpson
Happy birthday David Silverman!
“C’mon, boy, we’ve earned this Saturday, now let’s make the most of it! . . . Sixty-one, sixty-two, sixty-three.” – Homer Simpson
“This is my room. This is my dresser. It’s where I keep my shirts when I’m not wearing ’em.” – Homer Simpson
“Oh, yes, right in the drawers.” – Mona Simpson
“You remembered.” – Homer Simpson
Happy 20th Anniversary to “Mother Simpson”! Original airdate 19 November 1995.
“My germs! My precious germs! They never harmed a soul! They never even had a chance!” – C.M. Burns
Happy birthday Harry Shearer!
“Well that nice lady set the cause of biological warfare back thirty years!” – C.M. Burns
“We’re only now finally caught up.” – Mr. Smithers
Happy birthday Harry Shearer!
“Abe, isn’t Homer cute?” – Mona Simpson
“Probably. I’m trying to watch the Super Bowl! If people don’t support this thing it might not make it.” – Abe Simpson
“Mom, there’s nothing to be alarmed about . . . but could you take one last look at the family and join me in the kitchen?” – Homer Simpson
Happy birthday Richard Appel!
“A tombstone?” – Marge Simpson
“It came with the burial plot. But that’s not important. The important thing is: Homer’s dead.” – Patty Bouvier
“We’ve been saving for this since your wedding day.” – Selma Bouvier
“Get out of here, you ghouls!” – Marge Simpson
“Freeze! FBI! The jig is up!” – Joe Friday
“Alright, I admit it! I am the Lindbergh baby! Waa-waa, goo-goo, I miss my fly-fly da-da!” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
“Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?” – Joe Friday
“A little from column A, a little from column B.” – Abe “Grampa” Simpson
